Ed Jewett: AbelDanger on COVID-19 Rules

Cultural Intelligence

Tip of the Hat to AbelDanger with one rule added, rule zero

0. No one may publish anything about COVID-19 that has not been approved by the CDC, WHO, and the Gates Foundation. Only official lies may be published.

Here Are the COVID-19 Rules

1. Basically, you can't leave the house for any reason, but if you have to, then you can.

2. Masks are useless, but maybe you have to wear one, it can save you, it is useless, but maybe it is mandatory as well.

3. Stores are closed, except those that are open.

4. You should not go to hospitals unless you have to go there. Same applies to doctors, you should only go there in case of emergency, provided you are not too sick.

5. This virus is deadly but still not too scary, except that sometimes it actually leads to a global disaster.

6. Gloves won't help, but they can still help.

7. There is no shortage of groceries in the supermarket, but there are many things missing when you go there in the evening, but not in the morning. Sometimes.

8. The virus has no effect on children except those it affects.

9. Animals are not affected, but there is still a cat that tested positive in Belgium in February when no one had been tested, plus a few tigers here and there…

10. You will have many symptoms when you are sick, but you can also get sick without symptoms, have symptoms without being sick, or be contagious without having symptoms. Oh, good grief!

11. You can get restaurant food delivered to the house, which may have been prepared by people who didn't wear masks or gloves. But you have to have your groceries decontaminated outside for 3 hours. Pizza too?

12. The virus remains active on different surfaces for two hours, no, four, no, six, no, we didn't say hours, maybe days? But it takes a damp environment. Oh no, not necessarily.

13. The virus stays in the air – well no, or yes, maybe, especially in a closed room, in one hour a sick person can infect ten, so if it falls, all our children were already infected at school before it was closed. But remember, if you stay at the recommended social distance, however in certain circumstances you should maintain a greater distance, which, studies show, the virus can travel further, maybe.

14. We count the number of deaths but we don't know how many people are infected as we have only tested so far those who were “almost dead” to find out if that's what they will die of…

15. We count cancer patients, COPD, stroke, heart disease and catastrophic accidents as Covid deaths if even they didn't die of it, but rather with it.

16. You should maintain a 6′, no, 13′ distance from people while in public, but you can get change from cashiers, touch things everyone in the store touched and keep no distance from anyone at home that has been out in public.

17. Home Depot, Costco, Sam's Club, Walmart and other large box stores are exempt, or not.

18. Stay tuned to White House briefings, CDC notices, your state Governor and your local government to find out all the current and consistently conflicting reports and guidelines and how to interpret the rules. If you can.

19. Do not live in fear for it could affect your health, however, be very afraid that the virus could hit you. Or not.

20. Be helpful towards others going through difficulties, but do not touch them, hug them, or breathe anywhere near them. Do not give them any item that has been touched unless it has been decontaminated.

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