WASHINGTON, D.C. — The U.S. Supreme Court, in a shocking decision, declared the U.S. Air Force unconstitutional earlier today.
After receiving briefs and hearing oral arguments, the Court retired for deliberations. After three months, the Justices announced their decision. The Air Force cannot constitutionally exist as an independent entity.
The majority, led by Justice Antonin Scalia, reasoned: “This question is very simple. We must look to the text of the Constitution. That text is clear by its absence. The Constitution, despite establishing the Army and Naval Forces, says absolutely nothing about the Air Force. Our inquiry must end there.”
In a concurring opinion, Justice Kennedy elaborated, “the constitution is remarkably silent about any militarized air units. And it is not as if the drafters of the Constitution were unaware of flight. Lighter than air and dirigible technology were around at the time the constitution was written. If the founders knew about these things and did not enumerate Congress with the power to create an Air Force, we must assume that this is a power retained by the States as per the 10th Amendment.”
In a blistering dissent, Justice Ginsburg said, “this is just another instance of the conservative branch of the high court hiding behind textual originalism instead of going through the effort of making a sensible argument. This is judicial laziness which will have devastating effects down the road.”
The exact fate of personnel in the Air Force remains unclear. The President and the Department of Defense have released a vague press release, saying, “While [the Air Force’s] current form is unconstitutional, Justice Kennedy’s concurring opinion suggests that the Constitution would be open to a state-operated Air militia. We will be looking into a vast restructuring in order to comply with the mandates of the Constitution.”
According to an anonymous source at the Pentagon, there are whispers of, perhaps, rolling the Air Force back into the Army. This would reflect the constitutionally permissible subservience that the Marine Corps has with the Navy. If that is not far enough, some have said they’d be rolled back into the Signal Corps.
Phi Beta Iota: Military-oriented spoof site, low-rent version of The Onion, but the matter of the constitutionality of the Air Force has been addressed previously, some Justices believing it is covered by “armies” others believing that aviation is a support function that should be subsumed, as it it within the Department of the Navy. There is something to be aid for eliminating fixed and air strategic nuclear, while transfering long-haul movement, close air support, and theater air fighter attack, to the US Army. Let’s take air mobile to the strategic level!
ANON 1: This gave me a laugh. In point of fact the USAF is so mismanaged and ill-disciplined that reversion to the U.S. Army Air Corp seems like a viable option. At Kirkland AFB near Albuquerque they have lost millions of gallons of jet fuel through a leak over the last ten years and nobody noticed. This came to light after some private citizens complained that it was contaminating their ground water. This sort of irresponsibility appears the norm for the USAF these days.