Category: Offbeat Fun

The plot thickens.

Option A1: He really did survive kidney malfunction and was alive (age 54).  He was captured and his “execution” faked in front of his family after their helicopter ride as prisoners self-destructed, or not faked at all, the family in Pakistani custody is putting out the joint military deception line.  Pakistan gets US out of Afghanistan, US gets to waterboard Bin Laden (which does not work but the macho-morons are in the ascendance again). His burial at sea was faked, he is being interrogated at Camp Peary or another location.

New Information on Medical Condition:

Now evidence from the medicine cabinet in Bin Laden's hideout and quotes from one of his six wives paint a picture of a 54-year-old devotee of natural remedies who was in much better shape than previously thought.   “He was neither weak nor frail,” Sadeh, 29, told Pakistani investigators, according to the Dawn newspaper in Karachi, Pakistan.  NBC News obtained a list of medications found in Bin Laden's compound and none are used to treat long-term chronic illness.  Instead, the Pakistanis found drugs to treat shingles, ulcers, nerve pain, high blood pressure, common children's ailments – and Avena syrup, an extract of wild oats that is marketed as a natural “Viagra.”

A Yemeni who was just 17 when she was wed to a middle-aged Bin Laden, Sadeh said the 9/11 mastermind had recovered fully from two kidney surgeries a decade ago, Dawn reported. But Bin Laden's wife said he needed no dialysis. Instead, she said, he cured himself with his own regimen, which included watermelons.

Phi Beta Iota: A kidney transplant would have been required for the surgery to be successful.  There remain severe inconsistencies in what has been reported from 2001 to date on Bin Laden's actual condition.  The above information may be part of a more sophisticated military deception plan than originally recognized.  If he was actually captured, it would have made sense to play down the “treasure trove,” which is suspect anyway.  We share our confusion anticipating that others will make sense of it all.

Option A2: As above, but after being captured and put on the helicopter alive, he dies or jumps to his death.  Here is one video that is just too good not to watch.

Option B: He really did survive kidney malfunction and was alive and in retirement.  He was supposed to be captured but was accidentally killed in the heat of a night assault (with no return fire).

Option C: Bin Laden is still alive somewhere else.  Here is one video depiction.

Option D: He died in 2001 timeframe as Dr. Dr. Steve Pieczenik asserts.