Bloomberg Ties Terror Plot to Lex Luther

By David Swanson

The Smirking Chimp, 21 November 2011

In a hastily thrown together press conference Sunday afternoon, several months in the planning, New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg said his efforts to spread freedom beyond New York City had included the deployment of 1,000 NYPD officers to Schenectady, where they have just apprehended a young man inspired by Al Qaeda and Occupy Wall Street propaganda provided to him by the NYPD on a regular basis since September.

The arrest could not await an opportunity to persuade the FBI of the seriousness or sanity of the matter, Bloomberg said, as the evildoer had apparently packed a marijuana bong with Christmas lights and was prepared to attempt unspeakable acts imminently. Although the materials were intentionally defective, having been provided to the terrorist on Saturday by the NYPD, a careful analysis identified a greater than one percent likelihood of an attack on a local Home Depot store with which the terrorist had previously quarreled over malfunctioning plumbing materials and staff he accused of “not knowing their elbow pipes from their assigned aisles.”

Continue reading “NOW HIRING: NYPD Any Street Corner Anywhere”

BrowGate Update:  Ron Paul's eyebrows stayed put tonight, but the comments across the country have expanded to include his senatorial son's toupee from hell, and are posted here to satisfy all those searching for Ron Paul's eyebrows (pun).  And then no more — BrowGate is over.

Campaign Comment for the Record:

Jesse Benton, a campaign spokesman, insisted that Mr. Paul had been the victim of the elements, namely a heavy pollen season in New Hampshire, and called accusations that he’d been artificially enhancing “stupid” and “insulting.”

“Dr. Paul’s allergies acted up a touch,” Mr. Benton said in an explanation that might raise some, you know, questions.

Not that Mr. Paul would be blamed for trying to keep up with bushy brows like Rick Perry’s, whose upper-eye area is full, or Mitt Romney, whose orbital outliers are sometimes speckled with gray.

Allergies? What? That doesn't even make sense. I have allergies, they make me cough and sniffle. They don't make my eyebrows fall off.

– – – –

Uhm, his allergies acted up so his eyebrows fell off? Is that what the spokesman is implying? And isn't spring allergy season?

You know, if you don't have anything remotely intelligent to say, just say you don't have a clue.

Now I can't wait for Michelle Bachmann's head to fall off and have some alien looking creature crawl out of her.

You think you know someone, and then something like this happens!

Tip of the Hat toJohn Thomas Blackwell and There's a madness to my method.

See Also:

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AND SERIOUSLY:

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